Thoughts

GRANDMA

Grandma “moved out” this morning to her brother’s place, because there were some misunderstanding between all of us. Initially, my brother was saying that he wanted to rent a place and due to the hefty price tag that comes along with it, i thought it would be nice that my brother and i could share the burden. So, i told him that we can move out together. My mom told us that it was a bad idea because the money would be useful if we can buy a flat instead of renting it bc, there are too many rules and restrictions for renting a flat. my mom came up with an idea to buy the flat using both my grandma’s and my brother’s. However, the idea was denied by the property agent the reason being my brother is not of age.

I believe my mom was feeling distressed about the whole situation and she turned to her mom to talk about the situation. With my grandma’s character, she assumed that both my brother and I are making plans to move away because of her; that she is a burden to us and we are chasing her out from the house. Hmm, old people and their thinking huh? ):< So i tried talking to her last night but we ended up at each other’s throat. And my exact words to her was “we love you very much, and now what you are doing is pushing all of us away, which is not right bc family are supposed to stick together, so do what you want to do!” when i woke up this morning, she was already gone but her stuff are all still here. My eyes are swollen from all last night crying and i feel better this morning. I know we did not do anything wrong as long as we told her that we love her unconditionally and respect her by letting her do what she wants to do. My aunt called and told us that she is crying and i think it is best that we leave her alone for now.

Thoughts

GO SOLO?

so, Alex and i set our mind to go to Boracay, Philippines in June. However, with the recent tragedy/chaos that is happening in Philippines made both of us worried about the trip we are going to plan. hence, we had a backup plan which is to go to Gold Coast. the really sad thing is that everything is so pricey over there, which both of us kind of expected. and calculating the total amount we are going to spend, we felt that the money would be well spent in Boracay instead. we decided that we should meet up today to plan but this morning alex fell and she tore her ligament. now, she is advised to not walk with that leg and also, to postpone the trip. ): how unfortunate! we concluded that we should do a staycation instead before her school starts.

the past few days of sleeps had not been good for me, i was staying up late (unexpectedly late) thinking about the trip whether to go to boracay or gold coast. also, drown myself with backpackers and solo traveller stories. felt like my mind was running the treadmill. since, the trip is not happening. i wonder if i should do a solo trip to Siargao Island, in Philippines to learn to surf. apparently, i found a deal on rtwbackpackers that provide accommodation, breakfast, airport transfer? and most importantly, surfing lessons for 8D7N. Is quite pricey but i think is worth it based on the reviews that i have read so far on tripadvisors. I have emailed them to ask for their itinerary so i may able to plan accordingly- if i have decided. I have yet to tell my parents about it and tbh, i have a feeling that they might not allow it.

i have been talking to my colleagues on whether or not to leave my current job, they had been so great and helpful for the past two weeks, especially in reassuring and clarifying my doubts on quitting. the good news is that, i am selected to go to Orlando, Florida, USA in september for work/conference. i have a reason to not quit because of the trip and a project that needed to be submitted for the conference. previously, i mentioned how i might be happier if i quit and how scary it is at the same time. i guess i kind of figured out the whole of being really scared, which was i do not have a concrete plan if i finally quit, i said i wanted to travel but i made no initiative to actually plan for it. and going without a plan in life really make me anxious i realised. i guess i am not the only one, everyone has their insecurity but tbh, i wish one day i could simply do it without a concrete plan. i have planned to stay, and ask for a pay raise for the next financial year..bc company’s policies.

after i set my heart to not quit, i feel good in some ways. even though, i feel that i could do better and just quit and try to go life without a plan. but staying where i am is not really that bad especially my colleagues are all good people to hang out with. also, things i promise myself to do:

  1. read more books
  2. travel or at least staycay every month
  3. run more often/walking as well
  4. be more active such as climbing, swimming, hiking, trekking and diving
  5. perhaps joining boxing and dance classes that i have been thinking about
  6. choose happiness.. always.

I saw this on tumblr and i just got to post it here. ❤

tumblr_o5oscruvcj1vr6agao1_1280
ben affleck and liv tyler on the set of ‘armageddon’, 1998