Thoughts

17/5/17

I am off from work today, as well as tomorrow; a good two days for me to contemplate whether to quit my job, even though I do not have a new job in hand. It is a risk to take, especially so in this current economy. But i keep thinking that life is actually full of risk, such as every decisions we make in our life ranging from the food we eat to the things we decide to invest our time, energy and money on.

I kept having flashbacks of the week that I was in Malaysia. Even though it was only a trip to Malaysia, it feels so good to just be away from Singapore. I thought a lot of the people that we crossed path with and Leonardo da Vinci once said “Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication”. Maybe this is it, i just got to live my life as simple as possible to be happy. Not that i am unhappy, i am happy, however there are some things in my life right now that i would want to change and i am not sure whether if there is a right way of doing it? Maybe there’s never a right/best way of doing it, i just got to do what i got to do to survive isn’t it? but am i being impulsive? not able to move on? avoiding what’s really happening? or perhaps even being irresponsible?

i think about travelling a lot, more than in the past. Travelling alone to places to gain cultural experiences or/and volunteering services, bc it is not something i have done it before alone and do not mind trying it out. I looked up on overseas volunteering work and there are tons of sites that are pretty legit and i am very tempted to try them out.

When i think about how i could be free, the decision to quit my current job in this coming week is pretty high bc i do not want to stay in there anymore. Not bc something awful happened at work (it did but that’s not the main reason) but bc i have got zero motivation to work and i dislike myself that way, it does make me miserable. On top of that, the workplace holds too much memories that i do not love/want to revisit them again and again. I wish I could torch it and every single one of them gone. Even if I could simply do that, I would still want to leave.

I spoken to Sham about how I felt, she said “Just take things one at a time ok? What ever you do, think about whether the you before him would have done it or not. That way, you’ll know if it’s something you really want for yourself or if it’s something influenced by what happened with him.” When she mentioned this, I realised how much pain can actually make a person change. I guess the pain made me want to be a stronger and better person. The me before him have already thought about quitting and whatever that happened with him, gives me one more reason to do so.

Deep down, I know that leaving would make me happy and i also know that it frightens me too.

Thoughts

UPDATES FOR DIVING @ TIOMAN, MALAYSIA

TIOMAN_DSC1457.JPGI was right. There was no wifi. 6 days with no wifi was splendid. I got tanned & i love how my skin colour look right now. I did a lot of thinking alone, in the night. Made a lot of decision about my life choices as well, things i want to do etc. Felt like a completely different person after these 6 days. I cannot exactly pinpoint what changed in me, perhaps i just got stronger.

Anw, i wrote down notes on my phone bc i wanted to always remember this trip.

Activities

SKATE

Not sure how long we skated, but it was dark when we left the park. We went around town to have our dinner. Alex had Thai beef noodle while i had pizza. We continued to skate after dinner, for a little while before heading back home. We perspired profusely and it felt good. We chatted and laughed a lot, as usual.

Activities, Thoughts

DAY 6 @ TIOMAN, MALAYSIA

Is our last night here! We dived 28m deep today. It was so incredible despite the visibility wasn’t optimal. Diving with Sonia was pretty great. She is cool and I really like her. The boat out for our adv. dived was way better than the previous boat ride. I actually had more fun this time round probably because we are more comfortable and the people on board were funny as well. What I really like about diving is that when I could feel the seawater gets cold out of the suddenly as we dive deeper, known as the thermocline. After our boat dive, we went back, had lunch, spent time at the diving centre again and this time longer. We met new friends; Yong and Katherina? And we all had dinner together at the restaurant. Dinner was too filling; stingray, bbq chicken, vegetable and rice. Haha! We spent our night bonding with Bob, Danial, Yong and Katherina, since it was ours and yong’s last night here. It was 10.30PM and we headed back to our room. And we killed a spider (a size about 10 cm?) with an insect repellant and we spent a night with a cockroach, not sure if it is dead. o:

Goodbyes are so bittersweet.

Activities, Thoughts

DAY 5 @ TIOMAN, MALAYSIA

We had our advanced open water course started this morning with Faizal (our main instructor). We did navigation with the compass, and semi-perfected our buoyancy control today. Not only that, we learnt to stay afloat 180 degree facing down (head towards sea ground), as well as turns and rolls deep down! It was so fun! I kept swimming away from both W and the instructor because I swam at a faster speed, comparing to them both. I enjoyed diving with Faizal, he made diving safer. After the dive, we went back to our room and prepared ourselves for theory lesson. Then, we made ourselves at home at the diving centre, together with the crew; Faizal, Bob and Danial. Faizal left for family week and tomorrow we will be diving with a freelancer instructor named Sonia. I hope we will be okay! After that, we walked around the jetty, taking photos, talking to strangers and playing with cats until it was time for dinner at 6PM. The clouds were so grey and it was so windy. I loved how it blew my hair to face and I could smell the salt water of the sea. It rained heavily when we were ordering our food at the restaurant. While waiting, both W and I played darts and chatted up with an old couple from Canada? Today’s dinner was good, we had fish with rice, the fish tasted so fresh and delicious. We retreated back to our room early, watched Stoker the movie from my phone after shower. We talked about the movie for awhile before sleep.