Thoughts

17/5/17

I am off from work today, as well as tomorrow; a good two days for me to contemplate whether to quit my job, even though I do not have a new job in hand. It is a risk to take, especially so in this current economy. But i keep thinking that life is actually full of risk, such as every decisions we make in our life ranging from the food we eat to the things we decide to invest our time, energy and money on.

I kept having flashbacks of the week that I was in Malaysia. Even though it was only a trip to Malaysia, it feels so good to just be away from Singapore. I thought a lot of the people that we crossed path with and Leonardo da Vinci once said “Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication”. Maybe this is it, i just got to live my life as simple as possible to be happy. Not that i am unhappy, i am happy, however there are some things in my life right now that i would want to change and i am not sure whether if there is a right way of doing it? Maybe there’s never a right/best way of doing it, i just got to do what i got to do to survive isn’t it? but am i being impulsive? not able to move on? avoiding what’s really happening? or perhaps even being irresponsible?

i think about travelling a lot, more than in the past. Travelling alone to places to gain cultural experiences or/and volunteering services, bc it is not something i have done it before alone and do not mind trying it out. I looked up on overseas volunteering work and there are tons of sites that are pretty legit and i am very tempted to try them out.

When i think about how i could be free, the decision to quit my current job in this coming week is pretty high bc i do not want to stay in there anymore. Not bc something awful happened at work (it did but that’s not the main reason) but bc i have got zero motivation to work and i dislike myself that way, it does make me miserable. On top of that, the workplace holds too much memories that i do not love/want to revisit them again and again. I wish I could torch it and every single one of them gone. Even if I could simply do that, I would still want to leave.

I spoken to Sham about how I felt, she said “Just take things one at a time ok? What ever you do, think about whether the you before him would have done it or not. That way, you’ll know if it’s something you really want for yourself or if it’s something influenced by what happened with him.” When she mentioned this, I realised how much pain can actually make a person change. I guess the pain made me want to be a stronger and better person. The me before him have already thought about quitting and whatever that happened with him, gives me one more reason to do so.

Deep down, I know that leaving would make me happy and i also know that it frightens me too.

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